My body.

Last spring, in California I went on a 9 day learning retreat for Chi Nei Tsang. In November I went to New Zealand. On New Years I pulled tarot cards. Today, I went to a cacao ceremony/sound bath/breathwork session.

All of these moments gave me the same insights. Not exactly the same. But a common one is - my relationship to my body.

I could gag at the idea of writing a post on January 7th, about wanting to better my relationship with my body. I have written some weight or fitness goal on every single New Years resolution for most of my chubby little life.

BUT!

These goals are not those goals.

These goals are about practicing what I teach. About being inside my own body and reckoning with what I FEEL. How I use my body. How I treat my body.

I found a list in my notes app on my phone. I brain dump there — Grocery lists, passwords, existential thoughts.

It read:

August 18,2020 at 9:26pm

What is my Shadow?

Lying to myself

Editing

Numbing Out

Looking away

Hiding

Speaking on intentions without following through

Speaking on intentions with absolutely NO intention of following through

Selfishness

Pettyness

————————

And the most interesting thing about that list is how much it relates to my relationship with my body. How I’ve used it, or let it be used. How I’ve fed it. How I’ve treated it when it is tired. How I’ve treated it when I need it to achieve something.

I’ve worked for many years on my inner world. How I think about myself. About my children. About others. My self love and self acceptance. My mindfulness and gratitude practices. I’ve steadily worked on this inner space. I’ve made such progress! It is so much nicer inside Me, than it was 10 years ago. It is honestly the nicest it has ever been in here.

But I would be lying and doing myself a massive disservice to ignore my relationship with my body any longer.

I am educated in anatomy and physiology! I am PASSIONATE about being alive and inside our bodies and FEELING ourselves! I spend every day joyfully encouraging others to listen to themselves. Feel what our bodies are saying to us about how we use them. About the emotions we are having. About the thoughts we are thinking. About the stress we are carrying. About the care our bodies need.

I need to practice what I teach.

So this year, among other exciting things I will share with you all soon….

I am going to share my journey as I treat myself like a client. To encourage myself and embody the education I have!

I hope you enjoy coming along with me as I do this :)