So far..
So how is my amazing goal of treating myself like a client?
HARD!
I am very hard on myself. I am not compassionate with myself. I am not patient with myself. I am not empathetic to myself.
BUT!
I have tried to be gently curious and reframe my thoughts as much as I can and seek solutions for some of my habitual behaviour that equates to my body feeling like crap.
So what have I noticed?
a) I do not move enough. The sedentary life I am living is unnecessary but very ingrained. Between covid and a past relationship that revolved around lively debates and cooking/eating together…. I have fully embraced a very very very lowkey lifestyle. I cannot remember the last time I exerted myself to the point of sweating.
b) I need to eat more. I do not eat enough. And then I eat too much of the wrong foods. This is not a new pattern. But I have noticed with gentle compassion that if I do not pack any food for my work shifts in the city- I will be hit with a STRONG urge to eat drive-thru food on the way home. No matter what my logical brain says about food and needing to wait until I get home. The small child version of me wants some mcdonalds as a reward for being a good girl all day at work.
c) I do not get enough body work done to keep myself pain free. I cupped myself the other morning, after a very crappy sleep because my arms are going numb. They are also starting to go numb at work. Which is the HIGH KEY signal that I have left my self care FOR TOO LONG. I also went for a massage which was lovely and relieved the nerve ache I was feeling in my glutes and legs. But I need another one to really help relieve my arms. Today I am going to cup and massage myself as much as I can. But the main part of this is that I need to book ahead. I need to book in appointments on a regular basis and make them a priority like groceries. My body is my tool for work and for my life and I need to take care of it!
Woah, such revelations!
Joking, I have known about these things forever.
The difference of course being my perspective. Yesterday I made sure to pack some ramen for work. And I made sure to quickly shovel it into my mouth between clients. And when I got into my car at the end of the day, I did not have to fight any food craving demons in my head. I just drove home. And I gently said… “look at you! you don’t have intense cravings because you ate breakfast before work and lunch at work! see? it makes choosing what to eat easier when you aren’t desperate for some caloric intake to keep your body running!”
The last few nights I have felt restless. Can’t fall asleep. Waking often. Tossing and turning. Unsatisfied. This morning I tuned into that feeling to listen and it screamed FUCKING MOVE ME PLEASE I NEED EXERTION.
So today I am going on my stationary bike (as soon as I finish typing this) and then tonight I am going to the Tri with my kids and starting my couch-to-10km running program while they play basketball. I am signing up for the Banff 10km in June with my two oldest sons and a few friends!
So that is all for now. No real progress but … like I tell my clients. Sometimes slowing down enough to notice whats going on in our bodies and life- is the first step!
Thanks for listening!
Samantha